Rent is due and I have no job.
The school terminated me because of my crippling depression. So crippling that I could no stand in a classroom and deliver an effective lecture. Late FMLA paperwork guaranteed my dismissal. I’ve never been more relieved. No more dreading looking at my phone knowing another useless email from my useless principal and her useless minions asking me how I’m feeling or if I’ve planned a lesson for the substitute or “what about those progress reports?” I breathed a sigh of relief when I received a termination letter. It was over. I was free. Free to pursue other opportunities that are fulfilling. Free to be a writer. Free.
That freedom manifested in an awesome opportunity that I can’t yet reveal because it isn’t finalized yet. Just know it’s in New York. It’s in Times Square. And it’s the opportunity I’d been praying for. It’s the opportunity that may change the entire course of my life. Opportunities abound now that I’ve stopped teaching and started focusing on what I’m passionate about. Being in New York felt … relieving. It felt right. It felt like where I’m meant to be. As a native New Yorker, I thought I’d never return. The rent’s too high. It’s too crowded. Everybody is overly ambitious and willing to climb over their sister to escape the barrel. But New York is for me. Thankfully, the hub (my nickname for the love of my life/live-in partner) is on board. He and i are both praying I’m awarded this opportunity.
New York is where the next phase of our lives will unfold. And it couldn’t come at a better time. We’re drowning in unnecessary debt in a city where gentrification is driving up the cost of living, but the city hasn’t caught on and employers haven’t either. $12 an hour gets you shit in Denver, but nobody’s bothered to tell CEOs that. At least we can be happier in New York. I can’t be a full-time writer/editor. He can work at a major airport. We can do this.
But today, I am panicked. Writer’s block is keeping me from churning out pitch after pitch after pitch. Depression is starting to seep in. Rent is due and I’m scrambling to secure the funds. My final check was half of what it should be and was put in an overdrawn account, so here we are. Charities are overextended. Banks won’t issue loans to a woman with too many credit cards and not enough income. Pride is a bitch, so I’m not asking for help. Payday loans? Pshh. I have too many already. So, here I am, hoping better is coming but panicked in the meantime.
I know it will work. It always does.
But can better hurry up and come already? Please. Please. Please.
blackgirlfree 